Building a Life Together Through Care, Trust and Commitment
Letters to Tommi by British author Ryan Tate looks beyond the major milestones of a relationship to explore the qualities that helped Ryan Tate and Tuomas “Tommi” build a life together. Across the letters, Tommi is remembered as someone who enjoyed being around people, approached difficult situations thoughtfully, and took an active role in planning their future. These qualities appear in memories of everyday life as well as in the larger decisions the couple made about their relationship.
The writing also shows that partnership involved more than affection. Ryan recalls the practical decisions, moments of disagreement, periods of illness, and discussions about their future that gradually shaped their life together. Rather than presenting their relationship as effortless, the memories show two people learning how to manage the realities of being a couple while maintaining a strong sense of commitment to one another.
Finding a Way Through Disagreements
Ryan remembers Tommi as someone who generally preferred to think before reacting when difficulties arose.
During disagreements, Tommi would often step away, go for a walk, and take time to consider the situation. Ryan recalls him visiting his grandmother’s grave and talking through problems before returning with his thoughts settled.
That habit became one of the qualities Ryan most admired. Tommi did not always try to solve a disagreement immediately. Giving himself time to reflect allowed him to return to the conversation with a clearer idea of how the issue might be resolved.
Their relationship was not without arguments. Ryan remembers one particularly heated phone call after Tommi had returned to Finland, when work commitments prevented Ryan from accepting a proposed trip. Looking back, he recognises the importance of that experience and the choices they might have made differently.
The memories present disagreement as part of a real partnership rather than something that existed outside it.
A Natural Connection With Other People
Tommi’s social nature is another recurring element in Ryan’s memories.
His visits to the health spa provide a particularly vivid example. Tommi would swim, spend time in the sauna, and quickly become involved in conversations with other regular visitors. Ryan remembers people gathering around him to hear stories about Finland and enjoying the energy he brought to the afternoon.
The experience appears to have been typical of Tommi’s personality. He was comfortable speaking with people and seemed to have a natural ability to make those around him feel included.
For Ryan, that quality was part of what made Tommi distinctive. His presence was not limited to the relationship itself; he could also change the atmosphere of the spaces and groups he entered.
Turning Plans Into Practical Decisions
The couple’s discussions about their future reveal another side of their partnership.
Ryan and Tommi considered where they might eventually live, how their careers could be managed, and how they would remain connected with family. Because they were living across national borders, these questions also involved practical restrictions on how much time they could spend in one another’s countries.
Their response was to begin considering a legal partnership that could provide greater security for their future. Ryan recalls that Tommi played an important role in moving those discussions forward.
The planning was not presented as a single conversation. The couple returned to the subject repeatedly, sitting together with notebooks and working through possibilities. Ryan remembers the enjoyment they found in turning ideas into practical plans.
Supporting Each Other Through Difficult Periods
Care also appears in the experiences the couple went through together.
When they both contracted COVID, they had to manage being ill while dealing with work and the practical demands of everyday life. They slept in separate rooms and helped each other through the worst of the illness. Ryan later reflects that experiencing such a difficult period together strengthened their relationship.
Other memories reveal care on a smaller scale. Tommi encouraged Ryan to recognise when he had been working too long, while Ryan regularly looked after Tommi when he injured himself.
These moments show how consideration became part of their ordinary life. Care was not reserved for major problems; it appeared in the repeated routines of being together.
Commitment Across Borders
Their relationship also involved challenges that extended beyond the couple themselves.
Ryan was British, and Tommi was Finnish, and their plans were affected by residency and travel restrictions. The couple discussed how to overcome those limitations while creating a more stable future together.
Those circumstances influenced their decision to consider legal partnership and also shaped their conversations about where they might eventually settle.
For Ryan, the plans reflected a determination to make their relationship work within circumstances that were not always straightforward. Their commitment therefore had a practical dimension as well as an emotional one.
Imagining Where Life Could Lead
The couple’s future discussions eventually extended to the possibility of living somewhere else.
During one conversation, Ryan and Tommi considered a number of countries and independently selected Italy as their preferred choice. The idea was connected to their desire for a warmer environment and a place where they could establish a future together.
The plan never progressed to the point of becoming reality, but the conversation remains important in Ryan’s memories because it represented a future they were actively imagining.
Other plans were more immediate. Ryan remembers discussing when and where they would marry and who would be involved, with Finland identified as the intended setting and a small group of family and friends expected to attend.
These details show how the couple’s relationship had moved beyond simply enjoying the present. They were preparing for what they expected to come next.
A Partnership Shaped by Many Small Choices
Taken together, the memories suggest that Ryan and Tommi’s life together was built through many decisions rather than a few defining moments.
They learned how to approach disagreements, supported each other when circumstances became difficult, made plans around practical obstacles, and considered what kind of future would suit them both.
Tommi’s own character played a role in this. His preference for reflection, his ability to connect with others and his enthusiasm for life all influenced the way he participated in the relationship.
Ryan’s memories therefore provide a picture of partnership as something developed through repeated choices, conversations, and acts of care.
A Shared Life, Not Just a Love Story
One of the strengths of Letters to Tommi is the way it presents the relationship through both emotion and practicality.
There are romantic memories and moments of humour, but there are also arguments, work pressures, illness, travel restrictions and decisions about where and how to build a life together.
That combination gives the relationship its substance.
The couple’s story is not remembered only through what they felt for one another. It is also remembered through what they did with that feeling: how they solved problems, made plans, supported each other, and tried to create a future that belonged to both of them.
In the end, the partnership is revealed through the choices that filled the years between the major milestones.
About the Author
Ryan Tate is the British author of Letters to Tommi: A Journal of Letters Written from the Heart to a Heart. The collection grew from personal letters written to his late partner, Tuomas “Tommi,” and brings together memories and reflections from the life they shared.
Website: letterstotommi.com
